Las Vegas predictions for 2023

Las Vegas predictionsAlmost none of my Las Vegas predictions for 2022 from last December came true. But of course they weren’t supposed to. It was just me, still New To Las Vegas, committing satirical social commentary. Here I go again for 2023.

–Fresh off his second straight defeat for statewide office, Adam “Fourth Generation Nevadan” Laxalt moves back to the Washington, D.C., area where he grew up and lived much more of his life.

–Facing a lawsuit claiming deceptive marketing, the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority changes the official slogan from “What Happens Here, Only Happens Here” to “What Happens Here, Could Happen To You.”

–The Nevada Department of Education throws a party after a new national study ranks the state’s public schools only the 48th worst in the country, an improvement.

–Cisco Aguilar, the newly elected Nevada Secretary of State, continues the policy of not enforcing a new state law requiring many telemarketers soliciting funds within Nevada for dubious causes to first register their cause with the state.

–Clark County officials call a press conference to declare that a new specialized court set up just to handle crime committed near Las Vegas Blvd. should not be interpreted to mean the Strip isn’t safe for tourists.

–Soon-to-be-ex-governor Steve Sisolak becomes a lobbyist.

–Cisco Aguilar, the newly elected Nevada Secretary of State, continues to ignore a 2013 Nevada law requiring that the office post full financial statements of soliciting charities on the office website.

–Clark County Schools Superintendent Jesus Jara is fired and rehired again.

–The average paid print circulation of the Las Vegas Review-Journal falls below 40,000, down from 232,000 in 2015 despite a sharp increase in local population.

–The murdered world-famous “Body in the Barrel” found last May on the shore of receding Lake Mead is identified, not as an organized crime hit from the 1970s, but as a victim of a  lover’s quarrel from nearby Pahrump.

–Two more athletes are arrested driving more than 100 mph on Las Vegas streets, but at least this time they don’t kill anyone.

–Donald J. Trump appears at a Las Vegas rally raising funds for his defense against insurrection charges and again mispronounces Nevada.

–Elon Musk bans references on Twitter to Las Vegas, but doesn’t give a reason.

–New research shows that the average Las Vegas resident tolerates risk much better than alcohol.

–A one-half-inch snowfall paralyzes Las Vegas for nearly a week.

–Local exterminators desperate for business roll out a marketing campaign warning about the deadly sting of Arizona bark scorpions, which in fact have never killed anyone here.

–The first scandal under Gov. Joe Lombardo involves secret payments to one of his staffers to get government permits.

–To generate more traffic, The Nevada Independent, Nevada’s most prominent online news site, starts covering high school sports.

–Desperate to preserve the waters of Lake Mead, Nevada officials announce a revolutionary plan to reduce evaporation by covering parts of it with a giant plastic roof.

–With government-sponsored lotteries already barred by the Nevada Constitution, the Legislature at the behest of casino operators passes a law making it a crime for Nevadans to leave the state with the intent of playing the Powerball.

–Nevada’s unemployment rate remains well above the national average.

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